Why Betrayal Hurts So Much (And How to Recover)

How can you heal from betrayal?

Can chiropractic help you heal from an emotional trauma like betrayal?

Maybe someone has betrayed you in the past. Maybe a colleague or business partner you trusted screwed you over royally. Maybe you are going through a messy divorce and your ex has turned from the love of your life into someone capable of enjoying the process of hurting you completely out of spite.  Or maybe a friend who said they would be there for you bailed at a crucial time.

Maybe even before you remember, your parents, whether consciously or subconsciously, betrayed you in some way, and consciously or subconsciously, it’s still affecting you.

I get it, because I’ve had some of these things happen to me, too. It sucks!

Did you know that betrayal can have a profound effect on  your health at every level? Not only mentally, emotionally, spiritually, but also physically.

Let’s explore this idea.

Betrayal: The loss of trust and your internal map

Imagine the world as one huge map. Some of the map is extremely detailed and accurate.  Most of the map is  unknown or blurry.

For example, the map of your home is very detailed in your mind. You know where everything is and you know how to travel from one end of your house to the other.

Now imagine leaving your home. The further you get away from your home, the less detailed the map is. You’re not exactly sure where you are and that can be confusing and stressful.

Imagine the confusion being in Mumbai, India! Without knowledge of the language, culture and without a map, you’d be completely lost.

That’s why we have maps.

This is why maps have value. They tell us where we are, where we’ve been and where we’re going.

Here’s something fascinating. Think of a person that you know deeply and closely. Compare them to a stranger. What’s the difference? The difference is that you’ve mapped out the one you know and your map of the stranger is blank.

Imagine this.

Imagine that every person you know is just like a map. Those that are closest to you are those you’ve developed into a very detailed map. You know them. You understand them. You can predict them. This is your map.

What happens when those closest to you betray you?

What happens when you discover their inconsistencies?

When that which you have placed your trust in dissolves?

Their betrayal violates the order of your map to some degree. You don’t know where you are, where you’ve been or where you’re going. It makes everything you know questionable and incredibly stressful.

Betrayal HURTS. Badly.

It’s one of the most devastating losses a human endures.

Betrayal is devastating when it’s fresh, but it can also do a number on us and our subconscious minds, even  years later. A betrayal by a parent, whether it’s their fault (a molestation) or not (a divorce) or even due to unawareness on their part (they failed to meet some of your needs) can cause us to feel unloved and unworthy, and to develop self-sabotaging habits that slowly erode our health.

Even the loss of an illusion of something important to us, like discovering that someone we admired doesn’t share the same values as we do, is a type of “betrayal.”

What’s going on in our bodies when someone we are close to betrays us?

Neurologically, betrayal creates  dis-order on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level.

The physical symptoms related to this dis-order is called dis-ease.

This is something to contemplate. This is very important. Think about it. You already know this.

How betrayal can contribute to adrenal fatigue

When your “map” has been violated, this contributes to a condition called adrenal fatigue.

Let me be clear, I’m not talking about adrenal insufficiency. Adrenal insufficiency is something completely different, and the only type of dysfunction that the medical establishment recognizes.

The signs and symptoms of adrenal fatigue include:

• You feel tired all the time.
• You’ve had enough of this shit.
• You’re at the end of your rope.
• You wake up and can’t fall asleep again.
• You get dizzy and weak if you stand up too fast.
• You feel shaky and full of tremors.
• You become easily upset or frustrated.
• You experience cold sweats and nausea for no reason.
• You’re disoriented and depressed, which is relieved by eating.
• You are hyper-defensive.
• You can’t control your negative thoughts.
• You’re indecisive and worried.

The list of symptoms goes on and on. Do you have any of these symptoms?

If you do, there are likely other things going on in your physical body that SEEM  unrelated to the adrenal fatigue.  But we now know, every process in the body, particularly ones that are regulated by hormones, is connected and interdependent.

To put in another way: If one thing is “out of whack,” the cascade effect will cause everything else to be “out of whack” unless we are conscious and pro-active about healing. (NOT by taking a pill to numb everything away!)

Betrayal and Adrenal Exhaustion: The Domino/Chicken and Egg Effect

Let’s take a look at one mechanism in your body: Blood sugar. Your body normally does a great job with regulating itself. (homeostasis)

When an emotional trauma such as betrayal occurs and we don’t properly recover from it,  your  blood sugar may  be difficult to regulate.

This means that one moment your blood sugar is too high and within minutes you’ve got so much insulin surging through your system that  you experience the inevitable “crash.”

This will in turn cause  your :”adrenals” to be a mess, since the blood sugar fluctuations create stress that your body must compensate for.

But it could mean the opposite. Maybe your “adrenals are out of whack”  and causing your blood sugar be a mess.

Betrayal can also contribute to pain.. Including the back and neck pain that many seek relief  from.. from any given chiropractic clinic in Lansing. These problems are not just mechanical.

Betrayal can even affect our mental and physical health, long after the betrayal.

Why not see if some of the root cause of your pain is due to a betrayal?

What you can do to heal when someone betrays you:

• Introduce compassion for yourself. You went through one of the most shocking losses one can experience and it can be easy to become angry with  yourself. What you are feeling is LEGIT. This will also help you be more compassionate towards others.

• You probably knew I was going to say this, but AVOID sugar, even though it will be VERY tempting to self-medicate with sugar, one of the most common addictions.

Instead of numbing yourself with sugar or any other forms of addiction:

• Immerse yourself in something that gives you a dose of unconditional peace and sense of  stability. I’m not asking you to reach for joy yet, or force yourself to be happy, because this is unrealistic and can even backfire.

You could simply listening to or playing some favorite music.. Whether it’s uplifting or angry or lets you sing the blues.. Music can do wonders because it is directly  connected to the emotional centers in our brain.

Or hang out with people (or animals) that are there for you, unconditionally.

Or both. Or do whatever works best for YOU.

• You may need time to “recalibrate your GPS” if you’ve been knocked on your ass or thrown out into the wilderness via a betrayal. This could involve getting support or even professional help, including, yes, you guessed it, finding a good chiropractor in Lansing who specializes in treating the pain of emotional trauma from any source.  as you get your bearings again.

Most of all..

You need to understand something very important. I choose to see you as a specific individual. No one has ever lived your life. No one has ever existed who is exactly like you. You’re unique. You are one of a kind!

And this is the foundation that I work from in my practice.